I was in conversation with a friend recently who said that contentment is a good sign for Christian singles. She’s right. It’s a good sign, and one that’s found out from asking the right questions.
In fact, there’s several diagnostic questions to ask that’ll tell you just how well your singleness is going.
What are they?
Here’s at least 9 of them:
1) Have you turned marriage into an idol?
This is a problem. Lots of single Christians have elevated marriage above God, thinking that sex and date nights and romantic love will give you only what God can. It can’t. Only God can satisfy the deepest desires of your heart.
2) Are you content?
Paul tells us that he learned to be content in whatever situation (Philippians 4:11). It’s something he had to learn, not something he was born with.
It could be that in this season of life, God is teaching you to be content in him alone.
3) Are you stewarding this season wisely?
Money, time, energy, spiritual gifts. These have been entrusted to you, not given to you. And my married friends tell me that the single season provides far more free time than the married life ever will. So don’t waste this time. Learn to use this season wisely to steward your time, talents, and treasures for God’s glory.
4) What do trusted married Christian friends think of you?
Most singles desire marriage. Some don’t (more power to ya).
But for the ones that do, ask your married Christian friends to speak into your life. This will help remove blind spots, and give you a new perspective on marriage that you would otherwise miss. Few things in life are better than trusted, wise, mature Christian friends.
5) What does your employer think of you?
A lady from work just retired, and sent out a mass email on her last day. One line struck me: “I’ve been working for 45+ straight years, and now I’m done.”
45 straight years.
You’ll probably spend 1/3 of your life at a job. So might as well get good at something. Even if you’re not in full-time ministry, God calls you to glorify him in everything you do which, of course, includes work.
Paul commands us to work heartily for the Lord. (Colossians 3:23). You don’t have to be the best, but it should be obvious to your employer that you’re hard-working and competent.
6) Do you have any secret sins?
Sometimes we singles think we’re invincible. But we’re not. Your pastor and family members may not know about your pornography, gossip, and addiction problem, but God does.
You can’t be content with these sins.
You can’t overlook these sins.
You can’t ignore these sins.
You have to put them to death.
If you don’t deal with these now, they’ll cause more pain for you (and a potential spouse) later.
7) How’s your devotional life?
The Christians I admire most are always the ones with a strong devotional life. And a discipline of regular time with God is key to joy and usefulness. As Paul Washer says, “Spiritual strength is not a mystery, but is directly related to our devotion to the Word and prayer.”
8) Are you in regular fellowship with other Christians?
“The church is like Noah’s ark. It stinks. But once you leave, you’ll drown.”
Not sure who said this, and I’m not a huge fan of the quote, but you get the gist: you need the church.
Isolation is not God’s plan for your life. Lone rangers are dead rangers. You and I need community. Find a good church, join it, be in a small group, and stay in touch with God’s people.
9) Would you be okay if you never got married?
I love your desire to be married, have kids, and live happily ever after. But what if it never happens?
A tough question, to be sure. But it’s one you should ponder.
Some of us have even believed an element of the prosperity gospel. We think that just because we’ve placed our trust in Christ, we deserve marriage, success, money and all the things our hearts desire. But we don’t. It’s true that God loves to bless his kids with great gifts, but the heart of the gospel is that we come to Jesus to get Jesus, not his stuff.
Singleness might be a waiting season, but it doesn’t need to be a wasted season. Ask yourself these questions with a sober heart to find out how you’re doing. Sure, there’s plenty more questions to ask. But this is a start. Maybe even get with other singles and have a group discussion. I’m sure a dialogue about this will help any single Christian.
(Free Bonus: Get these questions in PDF format. In this version, there’s space between each question to allow you to fill out your answers for each question. You can use them for personal use, or even use them to lead a group discussion).
You might also like:
- 6 Truths About Singleness You Won’t Hear in Church
- 11 Things Every Single Christian Should Know
- 3 Reminders for Dating Christians